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Friday, 16 May 2014

#ITK Accounts - A Guide to What They Really Are Saying


As we now enter summer and Stuart Pearce begins trying to put his squad together, the ever frustrating array of accounts of people claiming to be "In the Know" (ITK) will explode. Every year there's more attention seekers, bored students on a long summer or just wind up merchants trying to make everyone believe they really know what's happening. They of course have no more idea, but have more time to read Twitter and suchlike and take a comment and run with it. These often start going viral and people believe something someone made up.

What I have done is collate their usual terms and phrases into what they really mean, just so you don't get all over excited when you see any of this appearing across Twitter and Facebook.

The best thing with any of these accounts is to pay them no heed. They thrive on retweets or replies whether it be abusive or wanting more details. Do not feed the ITK troll. It'll make them more hungry

 "… have enquired about the availability."

Probably made up, but remotely feasible. It can't be proved, clubs probably enquire if players are for sale or loan all the time, all this suggests is that someone rates a player enough to think they might want him. Its vague enough to be true, yet specific enough to be dismissed when likely false as they only said enquired. It's the ITK go to phrase.

 
"Several Premiership clubs have enquired about…"

Like above it's completely vague. Inserting that clubs from higher up are looking at a player makes peoples alarm bells ring and many immediately know he's off f he's one of our own. If it’s a player we are after it means every one gives up hope of signing them. Even if true there's a million miles before any deal has been done. And with it being vague, and no specific clubs mentioned just suggest that the rumour starter thinks that higher up clubs would want the mentioned player.


 "… could be signing by…"

Very non-committal. They link a specific name and then say could. It's possible. Ronaldo COULD be signing. He's not, but whilst both us and he exist it could happen. The very nature of using words like could put no pressure on rumour maker, by keeping it very informal and leaving lots of open ends.

 
"My Source…"

One of my favourites. I tend to think my source means "my imagination" but it could be they think they have a source. What they don't realise is the source knows as little as them and is making it all up too. It probably happened when they played Football Manager last night.

 
"I have a new source…"

Well this translates as basically I know none of you believe me so I'm going to pretend it was never my fault and now you should believe me. It's laughable; one source is kind of sort of maybe believable. But that this one guy has easily found a new corruptible contact within the club so quickly who's ready to spill all the beans is ridiculously farfetched. It basically boils down to this is till me making this crap up.

 
"My Understanding…"

It's your understanding because you made it up just now. Such a strange convoluted vernacular some ITK set up that this is another phrase they always use. It's like management speak for "I think"

 
"… will be in Nottingham on…" or "… has been spotted."

Yeah, they might be. Doesn't mean they are signing. They might just be here for a multitude of reasons. Signing is one of them, yes, but I was in Manchester yesterday, doesn't mean I'm moving jobs, I just happened to be there. That’s if it's even true anyway as it's hard to disprove. Related is the following.

 
"I know a (insert random job role, usually taxi driver or estate agent) who has just been dealing with (player name)"

Firstly, if a player hasn't signed, why start looking at property. Players will often room for a while in a hotel or suchlike after signing. Players would also usually be with an agent on such a day who'd also probably be driving them. They could have got train and taxis but they'd probably try more discretion. Then it removes the person posting this from blame, as they are merely a messenger. If they'd been spotted in this day and age somewhat would take a picture on their phone and it'd be on Twitter anyway.

 
"… is keen to sign for Forest"

I'm sure he is, as usually it means a new longer contract, a signing fee, and possibly bigger wages. Don't let it kid you that it's about the club. It could be, but usually its career enhancement. That’s if really happens. Usually it’s a method of adding excitement to a rumour that this player actively wants to come so it must be happening right? RIGHT?!!!??!!

 
"...details being ironed out…" or "details being thrashed out.."

I said it's happening, and I'm merely trying to delay why it's not happened by suggesting that something else is afoot. Please carry on believing me. Thrashed out implies it’s a furious negotiation, whilst ironed implies the deal is close. either way it's probabaly made up anyway. They can use negotiations failing as an excuse.

 
"Delay in negotiations" or "Negotiations on going"

As above it's a stalling technique to make you think that this deal they invented is still going ahead and to stay paying them attention.

 
"(insert country) Ace Jetting In for Talks"
What the first part implies is all they know is that said player is from said country. Jetting in makes it sound like he's speeding his way to get here now, rather than actualy getting a flight to East Mids Airport, to have a chat in an airport about what wage he'd like. I love it when nondescript foreign players get linked and all they can do is mention his nationality, and not even a position..
 
"… #itk…"

Just putting this suggests you're not. If you were, you wouldn't need to put it. People would know. So put down your phone/tablet/laptop and stop making shit up to get the attention you clearly crave so much.

 
Please feel free to add your own in the comments below, or send us them on Facebook or Twitter and we shall add them in, we will credit you fully, when adding to the list. Then we all have a nice jargon dictionary for the ITK accounts.

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